


entre nous

by andtheny



Series: Five is a problem solver [14]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apocalypse, Gen, POV Alternating, POV Number Five | The Boy, POV Number Six | Ben Hargreeves, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Number Five | The Boy, Psychological Trauma, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Self-Worth Issues, Stressed Number Five | The Boy, Therapy, Time Shenanigans, Young Ben, Young Number Five | The Boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29570412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andtheny/pseuds/andtheny
Summary: “You’re tired,” Ben said. “You’re exhausting yourself.”“No, I’m not.”“Yes, you are!”“Just let me save you,” Five insisted. “Cause I love you, see? Let me love you.”That did it. Ben started crying again.___________________Or, Ben and Five try to deal with the Apocalypse.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves
Series: Five is a problem solver [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977970
Comments: 30
Kudos: 57





	1. Don't thank me

**Author's Note:**

> Strap in folks. We're getting on the rollercoaster.

_If the world wants you, it's gonna keep on coming till it gets you. And who am I that can fix it? Who am I that can change this if the world wants it so badly? Who am I to stop the end of the world if it keeps on coming?_

_―_ _Patrick Ness_

The best room in the house was the library. The stuff in there was different from the books available at the public library. Old and delicate, most of them were considered 'heirlooms.' 

Dad would have flipped, if he knew Ben was reading them. 

_I hope he's fitfully writhing in his grave,_ Ben thought. _I hope his ghost is watching._

The only downside to the library was that everyone knew that was where they could find him. Five, especially, would pop in and expect Ben to drop whatever he was reading to play with him. 

When Ben complained to Vanya she said boundaries were important. Important and valid and not even a little bit mean. 

Today, Ben psyched himself up to repeat the script she'd given him if and when Five appeared. 

_I'll be gentle, yet firm,_ Ben thought. _I'll be softly strict. Like Mom._

But most of the day went by and Five never showed up. What was he doing? Who was he hanging out with? 

_He doesn't love me anymore,_ Ben thought. _I got too greedy with the sleepovers and now he hates me._

But that was stupid… or was it? 

Later, Ben would tell Vanya he'd just forgotten the lines from the boundary script. In actuality, when Five finally showed up Ben was too relieved to scold him. 

"Ben," Five said, stiffly. "I'm going to bed." 

Ben blinked. "Now?" 

Five crossed his arms together. "Now." 

Ben glanced out the window and tried to guess the time. The sun was on its way down, but it was still visible. 

"It's pretty early?" Ben said. 

"I've seen Luther go to bed as early as 9 p.m," Five said. "So I've determined that 'evening' is an acceptable time for sleeping." 

Ben frowned. "Uh, I'm pretty sure it's nowhere near 9 p.m."

Five stomped his foot down dramatically. "I don't care! You can't stop me!" 

_He's being so mean to me these days,_ Ben thought. _I should use Vanya's script after all. Or should I?_

"I won't stop you," Ben said. "It's not like I'm Number One. Why are you even telling me?" 

Five glared at him. "Because. I shall be appropriating your bed." 

Ben grinned. "I thought you didn't want to sleep there anymore? You said my mattress has too many springs in it." 

"Yes," Five said. "But your blanket is softer. It's a fair exchange." 

_Can I go too?_ Ben thought. _Is this an invitation?_

"Hmm," Ben said. "I guess it's a good thing I'm in here." 

"Why?" 

"So that you can sleep in peace," Ben said, testing the waters. "Didn't you say-" 

"No," Five said. "That's… no." 

"No?" 

Five's scowl deepened. 

_So he wants me to come?_ Ben thought. _Or is he mad at me because he can tell I want to?_

"Why are you mad?" Ben said. 

"I'm _not_ mad," Five said. 

Ben tilted his head. "Why aren't you going to sleep?" 

_Because you want me to come, right? Right?_

Five scoffed. "Didn't you say it was too early? Which is it?" 

_Ah, my brother,_ Ben thought. _What a fun little puzzle._

"Hmm," Ben said. "Well, anyway, I guess it's progress that you're letting me know you're going to use my room." 

Five rolled his eyes. 

_The heck!_ Ben thought. _He never used to roll his eyes at me!_

"Level two," Ben said, stiffly. "Is where you start asking for permission." 

Five stared at him, mouth agape. "You… you don't want me in your room anymore?" 

"Huh?" 

"You don't want me in your room?" Five looked absolutely devastated by this news. 

_Fuck yes!_ Ben thought. _He needs me too!_

"No," Ben said. "It's just, Vanya says I should set boundaries, but… oh." 

Five covered his face with his hands. He always did that when he was trying not to cry. 

Immediately, Ben gave him a hug. Five was frozen, but he always got like that when he was embarrassed, so Ben just did the Mom thing and rubbed circles into his back. 

He did that for a couple of minutes, until Five blinked a few feet to the left. 

"Apologies," Five said, gruffly. "I don't know what has come over me." 

"That's okay," Ben said, gently. "Can I go with you? To sleep?" 

Five shoved his hands into his pockets and glared at the ceiling. "You tired?" 

"I am absolutely exhausted," Ben said, eagerly. "I wanna sleep for twelve hours." 

Five nodded cordially. "Understood." 

He held out his hand and Ben took it. 

They teleported. 

Then, when they were in bed, Five flopped on top of him, shoving his arms underneath Ben’s body and squeezing tightly. 

_Aaaaw,_ Ben thought. _He loves me._

Ben ran his hands through Five’s hair, humming a cute song. And they stayed like that for a long while. 

_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_

"How dare you!" Five was yelling. "You can't censor me!" 

When Five was yelling, it was time to guess. Where was his voice coming from? This time around, it sounded like he was downstairs.

Later, when Klaus teased him for running, Ben would deny it. He would say, "I walked very quickly" towards what was sure to be an eventful argument. 

But there wasn't an argument. Just Vanya, standing alone with her eyes closed, hugging herself. 

"You okay?" Ben said. 

"Yes." Vanya was getting quicker with her recovery time. She was already loosening her limbs. She opened her eyes. "Um, I accidentally offended him." 

"I noticed." 

"Help?" 

Ben gave her a hug. 

"Aw," Vanya said. "Thank you, but I kind of want help with Five." 

Embarrassed, Ben let go. Vanya took his hand, though, and gave it a squeeze. 

Klaus sauntered over. "Another tantrum?" 

"Don't call it that," Vanya said. 

"Can you leave us alone?" Ben said. 

"Why?" Klaus said. 

It was so easy to offend Klaus. Ben tried to think of a way to say 'You might make things worse' that wouldn't come off as… judgemental. 

_He's always accusing me of being judgmental,_ Ben thought, frowning balefully.

"We are working through the problem," Vanya said. "And your skills are not required. Yet." 

Klaus grinned. "Say no more." 

He lazily saluted, then left. 

"Oh my god," Ben said. "You're the Klaus whisperer." 

Vanya laughed. "And you're the Five whisperer." 

"Am I?" Ben said, grinning. "Naaah." 

"I seriously think you are," Vanya said. "Or, at least, you understand Baby Five better than me." 

"Really?" Ben said. "But he's the easy one." 

Vanya shrugged. "I find Old Five easier." 

"Maybe it's cause _you're_ old," Ben teased. 

"Haha," Vanya said. "Maybe." 

"Anyway," Ben said. "What happened?" 

"I was trying to give him advice," Vanya said. "He was feeling guilty about his fight with Diego, so I just… I wanted to help." 

"Okay," Ben said. "But what did you say?" 

"I told him he needs to tailor his words," Vanya said. 

"Uh oh," Ben said. 

"Why?" Vanya said. "What's so wrong with that?" 

"Um…" Ben tried to think of a way to explain it. 

_It's ironic,_ Ben thought. _I know thousands of words, but I suck at using them._

"I just think," Vanya said. "that negative words breed negativity. So, I said he should use synonyms. Nicer ones." 

"Did you tell him to stop cussing?" 

Vanya frowned. "Not this time." 

"Cause he hates that," Ben said. "He hates being told he’s not allowed to say something." 

"But _why?"_ Vanya said. "He used to… he's always liked _pretty_ words." 

"Elegant words," Ben said. "Yeah, I know. But, like, it reminds him of Dad." 

"What does?" Vanya said. 

“Remember when Dad told us ‘mostest’ isn’t a word?” Ben said. “He said it was childish. He said it wasn’t allowed.” 

Vanya sighed. “Right. Damn.” 

“So you can’t say cussing is forbidden,” Ben said. “Or that words aren’t real, or that-”

“He triggered me,” Vanya said, scowling. 

“What did he do?” 

Vanya ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “He said I was killing him.” 

Ben winced. “Oh. Um, I know why you don’t like that one, but-” 

“He hates me,” Vanya groaned. “He thinks I’m a bitch and he-”

“Whoa!” Ben said. “It’s a positive word.” 

Vanya blinked. “Huh?” 

“He got it from me,” Ben said. “Sorry. He thinks it means overwhelmed with happiness.” 

Vanya squinted at him. “Overwhelmed with happiness?” 

“Yeah,” Ben said. “The confusing kind of happiness. Like, a happiness you don’t know what to do with? That’s how I usually use it anyway and Five copies me, so… Vanya?” 

She had covered her mouth with her hands. 

“You okay?” Ben said. 

Eyes glistening, Vanya whispered, “I think you killed me.” 

Ben beamed. “Exactly!” 

Vanya nodded stiffly, then abruptly walked off. Ben assumed she was going to look for Five, so he didn’t follow. 

_I am the craftiest wordsmith,_ Ben thought. _The cleverest interlocutor._

Ben nodded proudly to himself, walking back down the hallway like a chancellor at court, and almost didn’t notice Diego poking his head out of his room. 

“The fuck,” Diego sighed. “Is that little shit done picking fights?” 

Ben grinned. “Probably not. But fear not! I am the Five translator.” 

Diego leaned against his door and scowled. “I’m not stupid. I _know_ what ‘pernicious’ means. I just think he’s being an arrogant little dick and he-”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Ben said. “There are many nuances here that you’re not grasping.” 

Diego scoffed. “You too? Why do you guys have to talk like…” 

“Like what?” 

“Like _Dad.”_

Ben flinched. 

“Shit,” Diego said. “I didn’t mean it. I take it back-”

“You _did,”_ Ben said. “You did too!” 

“I’m a dumbass!” Diego insisted. “I’m an asshole and I-”

“Nincompoop,” Ben said. “That’s what you are.” 

Diego blinked. “Uh… that’s a new one.” 

“Dad hated it,” Ben said. “It made us giggle because it had the word ‘poop’ in it. He said it wasn’t allowed.” 

Diego scowled. “Dad _would_ say that.” 

“Cause he was stupid,” Ben said. “He was obsessed with, like, high society politeness.” 

“Yeah,” Diego said. “I guess… yeah. Five isn’t like that. He's the rudest son of a bitch I ever met.”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “So fuck you.” 

“Fuck me,” Diego agreed. “You’re right, bro.” 

Ben crossed his arms together. “I deserve a hug.” 

“Oh shit,” Diego said. “Um, yes sir.” 

With the kind of awkwardness that never failed to be hilarious, Diego tentatively put his arms around Ben. 

“I deserve back rubs,” Ben said.

“I got you,” Diego said. “That’s easy.” 

“Then you’re going to do the same for Five,” Ben said. “And you’re going to grovel.” 

Diego groaned. “I hate groveling.” 

“As you should.” 

Diego chuckled nervously. “That’s what makes it a punishment, I guess.” 

Ben felt himself loosening up as Diego massaged gruff circles into his back. Mom would have been gentler, but it was still nice. 

Finally, Ben snaked his own arms around Diego and buried his face in the crook of Diego’s neck. 

“Hmmm,” Ben said. “So you feel better now, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Diego said. “Um, less guilty.” 

“Repentance is important,” Ben said. “Cause, like, Vanya says it’s um…” 

“Closure?” Diego said. 

“Yeah!” Ben said. “Closure.” 

Sighing deeply, Diego ruffled Ben’s hair. “Man, you’re the most mature guy in this house.” 

“I should be Number One,” Ben teased. 

Diego laughed. “Yeah, yeah.” 

_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_

At first, Ben thought it was a nightmare. The crushing weight, the suffocation, was too random and sudden to be real. 

Instinctively, the Horror reacted. It flailed around, wailing, and broke through the bricks and debris until Ben could gasp for air. 

Soon as he was breathing, Ben firmly shut the portal in his stomach. Those guys couldn’t be allowed free reign in the house. They’d hurt someone. 

But then Ben took a good look around. The house was a crumpled heap. It had fallen apart. Was there an earthquake? It was too dark to get a clear look at the damage.

He brushed flakes of dirt off his shoulders and noticed he wasn’t wearing any clothes. Not even underwear.

But he didn’t have time to be embarrassed about that.

“Five?” Ben called. “Luther! You guys?!” 

Bits of black flakes were floating around like snow. Ashes? The Apocalypse? 

Ben shivered, and hugged himself. It was really cold. 

“Anyone here?!” Ben screamed. “YOU GUYS!” 

Five teleported in front of him in a flash of blue.

“Fucking Christ!” Five hissed. “What are you _doing_ here?” 

Ben gasped and covered his privates with his hands. 

“Shit!” Five said. “The fuck!” 

Five was dressed up in grungy layers, leather and padding and a scarf along with Dad’s old aviator hat. He scrambled to remove his jacket and handed it to Ben. 

“Fuckity fuck fuck,” Five said. “God fucking dammit! Fuck!” 

Ben covered himself. “Um, I concur.” 

“Don’t worry,” Five said. “There’s a briefcase. I just have to dig it up.” 

“Oh shit,” Ben said. “That’s right. I remember.” 

Right before the older Five had Rumored himself, there was an incident where the younger got stuck in the Apocalypse for a few hours. So Five Senior made sure to give Luther a time travel briefcase to bring to New York. It was buried in the garden for Apocalypse emergencies, but they’d never needed it. The Apocalypse had been a one time thing. 

Or it had seemed that way. Why would it return after so long? 

“But why are you naked?” Five said. 

“I have no Earthly idea,” Ben said. “I just woke up like this.” 

“We don’t have time to process that,” Five said. “Later, I guess. Shit.” 

Five started to shimmy out of his pants. 

“Wait!” Ben said. “You’ll be too cold.” 

_“You’ll_ be too cold,” Five said. “You’re more important, dumbass!” 

Five got the pants off and threw them in Ben’s face. 

“No, I’m not!” Ben said. “You are!” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Five said. “I know how to start a fire. Sit tight!” 

Five disappeared. 

“No!” Ben shouted. “Come back! FIVE!” 

Clutching the clothes to his chest, Ben could only stand there and cry. The worst kind of crying. The loudest and most pathetic kind. 

It only took a minute for Five to warp back. He threw his arms around Ben and said, “Warning! Jumping!” 

Then Five was pulling him through a spatial jump. They landed in a woodsy area… no, the dog park? Maybe it used to be the dog park. It was hard to tell in the dim light, but Ben thought he could see the little obstacle course the dogs would run through. 

“I hate you,” Ben mumbled, rubbing the tears off his cheeks. “I hate you so much.” 

“That’s okay,” Five said. “That’s allowed.” 

The fire was impressive. It was big as a bonfire. 

“How did you do this so quickly?” Ben said. 

“I rewinded a bit,” Five said. “I’m getting better at it.” 

Ben blinked. “Oh.”

“So sit tight,” Five said. “I’m going to find you some clothes, but it’ll only feel like a second, okay? You won’t even notice I’m gone.” 

“But-”

“No buts,” Five said. 

“Put your pants back on!” Ben said. “If I’m by the fire, I don’t need them.” 

“Fair,” Five said. 

“And your jacket,” Ben said. 

“Alright,” Five said. “Deal.” 

Five quickly put his clothes back on, then disappeared. 

_I’m pathetic,_ Ben thought, sighing heavily. _I’m useless._

He curled in on himself beside the fire. 

Five was gone for longer this time. A few minutes, at least. 

When he got back, Five was hugging some kind of giant stuffed animal. But really torn up and deflated, like all the stuffing had been sucked out. 

And Five was panting heavily. Kind of shaking. 

“Are you okay?” Ben said. 

“Sorry,” Five said. “The more time goes by, the harder it is.”

“To rewind?” 

“Yeah. But anyway. Here.” Proudly, Five presented him with the grimy stuffed animal. It looked like a rat or something, with a really creepily exaggerated smile. 

“Um. Thanks?” 

Five chuckled and pulled the head off of its shoulders. “It’s a mascot suit. From some restaurant.” 

_“Oh,”_ Ben said. “Better than nothing.” 

“Right?” 

“Thank you,” Ben said. “You should sit down.” 

Five nodded tiredly and sat near the fire. 

Ben awkwardly pulled the mascot suit on. “Uh, I’m not going to wear the head.” 

“Fair,” Five said. “So, just give me a few minutes. Then I’ll dig up the briefcase.” 

“Let me help,” Ben said. 

“No.” 

“No?” 

“I can do it faster,” Five said. “You won’t have to stay long. I’ll rewind and, for you, it’ll be a blink-”

“No!” Ben said, stomping his foot. 

“No?” 

“You need help,” Ben said. 

“I’m an excellent digger,” Five said. “The briefcase is barely even two feet down. And I can-”

“You’re tired,” Ben said. “You’re exhausting yourself.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Yes, you are!” 

“Just let me save you,” Five insisted. “Cause I love you, see? Let me love you.” 

That did it. Ben started crying again. 

“No, no, no,” Five said, urgently. “Don’t cry! Please, don’t cry. You know I hate it when you cry!” 

“I love you more,” Ben wailed. “I love you most!” 

“I love you mostest,” Five said. “So cheer up, hmm? It’s almost over.” 

_“No,”_ Ben said. “I won’t cheer up unless you let me dig.” 

“Really?” 

“Really.” 

Five sighed. “Okay. Jesus.” 

Ben sniffed and angrily wiped at his face. 

“I’m sorry,” Five said. “This is all my fault.” 

“What?” Ben said. “No, it isn’t.” 

“Yes, it _is,”_ Five said. “I acorned us!” 

“No, you didn’t!” 

“Ugh,” Five said. “There’s no point arguing with you.” 

“Do you hate me?” Ben said. 

“No!” Five said. “I fucking love you, dammit!” 

“I’m useless,” Ben said. 

“No, you aren’t!” 

“I’ll be a good digger,” Ben said. “I’ll be Number Two, so just-”

“No,” Five said. “You’re Number One.” 

_“You’re_ Number One.” 

Five threw his hands in the air. “No one is Number One anymore!” 

“But-”

“Luther said so,” Five said. “The numbers got deleted.” 

Ben chuckled. “But-”

“No buts,” Five said. “Are you ready to dig?” 

“Shouldn’t you rest for a little longer?” 

“Ugh.” 

“Just a little longer,” Ben said. “Five minutes for Five.” 

Five sighed. “Fine. I should probably warn you anyway.” 

“Warn me about what?” 

“Dad has this gizmo,” Five said. “It alerts him… though, I guess we could try to aim for a year when he’s gone? But then we’d have to worry about more doppelgangers.” 

“Dad?” Ben said. “But Dad’s dead.” 

“Okay, look,” Five said. “The first time I used the briefcase I did what you wanted. I went to 2005. You were so happy to see me. Everyone was.” 

Ben flinched. “With _Dad?”_

“I planned on coming back,” Five said, quickly. “I was just rebooting.” 

“Rebooting?” 

“The Apocalypse always fixes itself,” Five said. “But I get stuck in it, so I have to go back somewhere and then come back forward.” 

“How many times has this happened?” 

“Not a lot,” Five said. “This is barely the fourth time.” 

“What the _fuck,”_ Ben said. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Five shrugged. 

“I’m the fucking vault!” Ben screamed. “You’re supposed to tell me everything!” 

Five took a step back. “I know… but-”

“No buts!” 

“I’m sorry!” Five said. “It would have upset you!” 

“This upsets me more!” Ben said. “This is worse!” 

“No, it isn’t!” 

“Yes, it is!” 

Five took another step back. 

“Where are you going?” Ben said. “Are you leaving?” 

“No!” Five said. “I just… I can’t…”

“Can’t what?” Ben said. “Can’t stand me?” 

“No!” 

“I love you,” Ben insisted. “You can’t leave.” 

“Wait!” Five said. “Just… just hold on. Give me a second.”

Five always said that when he was overwhelmed, so Ben took a deep breath and nodded. 

They just stood in silence for a minute, eyeing each other warily. 

“You made it hard for me to leave,” Five finally said, sighing tiredly. “But I knew _you_ would miss me, so… damn. It was so confusing.” 

“Me?” Ben said. “2005 me?” 

“Yeah,” Five said. “I told him he’d see me again in a year and he didn’t believe me.” 

“Damn,” Ben said. “2005 was a terrible idea, wasn’t it?” 

“The worst idea,” Five agreed. 

“But what was that you said before?” Ben said. “About Dad?” 

Five shifted on his feet. “He’s got all this tech. One of the gadgets, it can detect fluctuations in the space time continuum or something. So as soon as I landed, he was _there._ He caught me.” 

Ben winced. “Was he pissed?” 

Five shrugged. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m _fine.”_ Five scowled defiantly. “And I’ll protect you. Listen, I have a plan.” 

“What plan?” 

“We’ll just have to walk for a bit,” Five said. “Get as far away from the academy as possible. Or I could try to teleport us, but I’m pretty low on juice, so-”

“We can walk,” Ben said, quickly. “Don’t overexert yourself.” 

Five rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” 

“Vanya says-”

“No,” Five said. “Don’t start with that.” 

Ben sighed. “Okay.” 

“How’s the mascot suit?” Five said. “Warm enough?” 

“Yeah,” Ben said. “It’s good. Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me,” Five said. “So should we wait for the sun to come up or are you okay digging in the dark?” 

“I’m okay digging in the dark,” Ben said. “Do we have shovels or anything?” 

“No,” Five said. “But I found these large floor tiles from the mall. We’ll leverage them into the ground and just… I’ll show you.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “And Five?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m really sorry for yelling,” Ben said. “I didn’t mean it.” 

“I know,” Five said. “It’s okay. It’s allowed. You can be as emotional as you want.” 

“I can?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “Cause Dad is dead.” 

Ben hugged himself. “Right.” 

Tentatively, Five stepped forward. “You need a hug?” 

“Yes, please.” 

Five hugged him. Beside them, the fire crackled gently. 

_Everything will be okay,_ Ben thought. _We’re together. That’s all that matters._


	2. Let's unpack that

_When we face a problem, we may not know its solution, but we have insight, increasing knowledge, and an inkling of what we are looking for. When we face a mystery, however, we can only stare in bewilderment, not knowing what an explanation would even look like._

_―_ _Noam Chomsky_

  
  


“Hey, Five?” Ben’s voice, soft and apologetic, drifted in through the door. “Are you in there?” 

Five was lying down on the floor, stretched out like a starfish, staring up at the equations on the wall. 

“Five?” Ben said. “Can I come in?” 

Ben would assume the room was empty. He’d leave. 

“No one has seen you for hours,” Ben said. “You aren’t responding to texts or calls or anything. Are you okay? Are you asleep?” 

Five sighed. 

“I need your help,” Ben said. “Please? Can I come in?” 

Five sat up, but didn’t respond. 

_Fuck,_ Five thought. _Ask someone else!_

“I can’t do it without you,” Ben said. “I… I just can’t. I need you.” 

“Specifics,” Five muttered. 

“What?” Ben said. 

“Give me the specifics,” Five said.

“Oh,” Ben said. “I, um, I need therapy.” 

Five scowled. “Then go and tell Vanya.” 

“I did,” Ben said. “We made an appointment with Dr. Kashif.” 

“Then what’s the problem?” Five said. 

“I need emotional support,” Ben said. “Can I come in? Can I have a hug?” 

Five glared at the door. “Klaus can give you a hug.” 

“He’s busy,” Ben said. 

“With what?” Five said. 

“He, um, his sleep schedule got all messed up again,” Ben said. “He’s asleep and by the time he wakes up _I’ll_ be asleep.” 

“Mom never sleeps,” Five said. “Ask _her_ for hugs.” 

“She’s comforting Luther,” Ben said. 

“What?” Five said. “Why does _Luther_ need comfort?” 

“He’s… um,” Ben cursed softly to himself, then said, “He’s, uh, in a spiral.” 

“Detestable therapy word,” Five grumbled. “The hell is a spiral?” 

“Self-condemnation,” Ben said. 

Five groaned. 

“It’s not your fault,” Ben added. “He just, um, he’s Luther.” 

“He’s an odious, imbecilic, poor excuse for a Number One.”

“The numbers are gone,” Ben said. “You said so yourself didn’t you? We banished them.” 

_I just said that to cheer you up,_ Five thought, rolling his eyes. 

“Fine,” Five said. “Ask Vanya for a hug.” 

“She’s also with Luther,” Ben said. “They’re having a pity party.” 

“Then _join_ the pity party,” Five said. “It’s fucking simple.” 

“No,” Ben said. “I mean, I will, but… I need more than hugs.” 

Sighing wearily, Five said, “Alright. What else?” 

“Can you do me a favor?” Ben said. 

Teleporting to the other side of the door, Five frowned at Ben, who was hugging himself. Ben flinched at Five’s appearance and shrank back against the door. 

“I’m sorry,” Five said. “I should have warned you.”

“It’s okay,” Ben said, straightening up. “I’m sorry to bother you.” 

“Don’t be sorry,” Five said. “What is it? What do you need?” 

Ben shifted on his feet, staring at his shoes. 

“Are you alright?” Five said. “Is this about the nightmares?” 

“Yes and no,” Ben said. “You’re already helping with those. Thank you.” 

They’d been sleeping in the same bed together every night since they’d gotten back from the Apocalypse.

Five sighed. All of Ben’s progress: lost. Halfway through 2020, he’d finally weaned Ben out of the habit, but now it was all in shambles. 

“Specificity, Ben,” Five said. _“Specificity.”_

Moving to clasp his hands tightly behind his back, Ben finally said, “Can you go to therapy with me?”

Five scowled. 

“It’s for emotional support,” Ben said. “You won’t have to do anything. You’ll just be in the room with me. You won’t even have to touch me.” 

“You say that as if I have a problem touching you,” Five said. “Don’t I give you plenty of cuddles when we go to bed?” 

“You do,” Ben said. “I just meant, you won’t have to be seen touching me.”

“We have a house full of people,” Five said. “You can get _anyone else_ to emotionally support you through your therapy.” 

Ben shook his head. “It has to be you.” 

“Why?” 

“You’re my vault,” Ben said. 

Five blinked. 

“Please?” Ben said. “You’re the only one I can trust with this.” 

Five pursed his lips. 

“I’ll never ask for anything again,” Ben said. “I’ll never, ever-”

“Stop it,” Five said. “I’ll do it.” 

“Really?” 

Five sighed _heavily._

“Are you sure?” Ben said. 

“I say what I mean,” Five said. “And mean what I say.” 

Ben finally smiled. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “So… the appointment is tomorrow. At 2 p.m.” 

“Noted,” Five said. “Disappearing in three… two…” 

Ben saluted him and that meant it was alright to blink away. 

Alone in his room again, Five frowned at the equations. 

Then he sighed, and got back into bed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Dr. Kashif had an elaborately stupid beard and a manbun that Klaus would have worshiped. He was a respectable dresser, at least, clad in a tweed jacket and dress shirt with tie, slacks, and well polished shoes. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Kashif said. “Thank you for making the time to come today.” 

Five grunted. 

The room had an overabundance of chairs in different sizes and styles. There was no logic to it, but at least one of them was firm and straight backed. Five sat primly, clasping his hands together in his lap. 

Ben chose an odd chair that looked like a hand, fingers cupped together like a mother nurturing an injured bird back to health. He crossed his legs together cris cross applesauce and hugged an available pillow to his chest. 

“This is my third time here,” Ben said. “Um, but it’s been a really long time.” 

“I remember you, Ben,” Kashif said. “I was just acknowledging your brother.” 

Five frowned at the man. 

“Oh,” Ben said. “You’re supposed to treat him like a ghost.” 

“Am I?” 

“Yes,” Ben said. “This session is for me. He’s just… um, emotionally supporting.” 

“I see,” Kashif said. “Very generous.” 

Five rolled his eyes. 

“Then let’s get started,” Kashif said. “As you said, it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other.” 

“Sorry,” Ben said. 

“Why are you sorry?” 

“Um, I shouldn’t have quit,” Ben said. “I let Diego get to me, is all. Um, he’s one of my brothers.”

Kashif nodded. “You have a lot of brothers, correct? Most of them are older.” 

Ben chuckled. “I’m the second youngest now. I also have older sisters.” 

“If I remember correctly,” Kashif said. “You mentioned feeling conflicted by their differing viewpoints and opinions. A leaf in the wind, pulled in one direction and then another by competing gales.” 

“Wow,” Ben said. “Eloquent. Yes. I don’t think I said it that way, but yes.” 

Five squinted at the man. 

“Is that still something that you struggle with?” Kashif said. 

“Definitely,” Ben said. “But I also… I have abandonment issues.” 

“What makes you say that?” 

“Sometimes I flip out,” Ben said. “Like, unreasonably. Like… there was an incident.” 

Five sighed. 

“Would you care to elaborate?” Kashif said. 

“It wasn’t your fault, Five,” Ben said. “Um, it wasn’t his fault. But I freaked out when he jumped away from me. I thought he was leaving me there. For good. But he wasn’t. It was an irrational fear.”

Five glared at the ceiling. 

Kashif nodded. “So after some self reflection, you decided you’d like to work through these fears here with me?” 

“Yes,” Ben said. “Also, um, I think I have self worth issues.” 

“Is this related to the incident?” 

“Yes,” Ben said. “I think, I mean I thought, that I was useless. Because I was too slow to react and I wasn’t able to… to do anything. I just had to stand there and wait. Uselessly.” 

“Let’s talk about that word,” Kashif said. “What does it mean to be useless?” 

“It means making things worse,” Ben said. “Because I have terrible ideas and all the wrong… it means being too clingy and, and... being a crybaby who can’t _do_ anything or help anyone.” 

“Okay,” Kashif said. “Let’s unpack that.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Five tolerated exactly four therapy sessions as a silent specter, restraining himself from speaking or teleporting or punching Dr. Kashif in his stupid smarmy face. 

Then he exploded and said, “Stop it! Stop it already!” 

Ben and Kashif stared at him. 

“You don’t _need_ to be useful,” Five said. “You don’t _need_ to help me, or help anyone, or _do_ anything. Dad is dead! You…. we’re retired!” 

Kashif grinned. “Well put.” 

Five huffed. 

Ben frowned. “But it’s important to help each other.” 

“No,” Five said. “That’s for me, Luther, and Diego to do. You, Klaus, and Vanya can stay home and just be happy. And Allison can babysit the senile old man, and-”

“Hold on a second,” Kashif said. “Pause.” 

Five blinked. 

Kashif turned to Ben. “I’d like you to process what Five just said there.” 

Ben ran a hand through his hair. “He… he said I’m not good enough to help… and neither are Klaus and Vanya?” 

“No!” Five said. “Fucking-”

“Pause,” Kashif said. “Let’s sit with our thoughts for a moment.” 

Five groaned. 

“I think it’s important to understand,” Kashif said. “That what someone says and what someone hears are often two very different things.” 

“What do you mean?” Ben said. 

“For example,” Kashif said. “Five said he would like you to be happy. But what you heard was ‘I am not good enough.’ How, exactly, are these two concepts synonymous?” 

“They _aren’t,”_ Five said. 

“Exactly,” Kashif said. “So let’s talk about assigned roles and family dynamics.” 

Five scoffed. 

“You mean the numbers?” Ben said. “We’re not supposed to use them anymore, right?” 

“No,” Kashif said. “The numbers were arbitrarily assigned by your father. For the most part, it seems to me that you and your siblings have rejected those rankings.” 

“We try to ignore them,” Ben said. 

Five crossed his arms together and decided he would rather be a ghost. 

“However,” Kashif said. “I have a theory.” 

_I’m tired of theories,_ Five thought, scowling. 

“Sometimes, family members get assigned different roles,” Kashif said. “To start with there’s the role of caregiver. The person who is emotionally available to offer comfort and support. Often, this person is a skilled cook or healer.”

Five tilted his head. That was Mom in a nutshell. 

“Then there is the breadwinner,” Kashif continued. “The person who is in charge of providing for the family… or the person who protects the family. The person who is expected to solve problems.” 

Five pursed his lips. 

“Bear in mind,” Kashif said. “I’m an outsider looking in. But it looks like half of the siblings have been put in the caregiver camp while the other half is expected to provide more utilitarian support.” 

“Exactly,” Five said. “There you go.” 

As spontaneous and baffling as was always the case, Ben burst into tears. 

“What’s _wrong?!”_ Five said. 

“I’m double useless!” Ben sobbed. “I’m the most useless of all the useless people!” 

“Oh boy,” Kashif said. “Let’s unpack that.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“No,” Five said. “You’re wrong.” 

Ben was pouting. “But _Five-”_

“Hold on,” Kashif said. “Let’s hear him out.” 

Five glared at the ceiling. “Nevermind.” 

“Why?” Kashif said. “Don’t you want to explain yourself?” 

“This isn’t for _me,”_ Five said. “We’re here to help _Ben.”_

“But you’re helping me,” Ben said, hesitantly. “By letting me know what you’re thinking? So I won’t worry that you’re secretly hating me.” 

Kashif grinned. “Is this a tactic you employ a lot, Ben?” 

Ben blushed. 

“Huh?” Five said. 

“Maybe we should have a talk about that too,” Kashif said. “Good intentions are good intentions, but being indirect is often more harmful than we realize.” 

“How is it harmful?” Ben said. 

_Forget it,_ Five thought. _I’m a ghost._

“You’re enabling an unhealthy mindset,” Kashif said. “And you’re not allowing your brother the opportunity for introspection.” 

Five rolled his eyes. ‘Introspection’ was a particularly irritating word. It was even worse than ‘unhealthy.’ 

“Am I making it worse?” Ben said, bottom lip trembling. 

“Don’t you cry,” Five said. “You’re better than that.” 

“There’s that phrase again,” Kashif said. “Is that something your father would say?” 

Five flinched. 

“You’re nothing like Dad,” Ben said, quickly. “I know you aren’t.” 

“Forget it,” Five said. 

“It’s just a misunderstanding,” Ben said. 

“I’m missing context,” Kashif said. 

“It was a fight Five and Diego used to have,” Ben said. “But I fixed it. I explained to Diego that fancy words aren’t the same as arrogant strictness. And phrases too. They’re harmless.” 

“Language is language,” Kashif said. “You’re right that the words themselves are harmless. It’s the way we use them that matters.” 

Ben nodded eagerly. “Exactly.” 

“However,” Kashif said. “There is power in words and in phrases that we aren’t always conscious of. Often, we internalize-” 

Abruptly, Five warped back to his room at the academy. 

_Fuck therapy,_ he thought. _I’m going to bed._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


For once, Ben didn’t freak out. He texted ‘Where did you go?’ and Five replied with a curt ‘Home’ and then that was the end of it. 

And no one bothered him. No one knocked on the door, no one called, no one yelled, and nothing exploded. 

The Apocalypse, likewise, remained as elusive and mysterious as it had always been. Would another long year go by before it returned? Or would it pull them into its orbit at any second? When would it be permanent? Why couldn’t they _solve_ it? 

_I would rather it be permanent,_ Five thought. _Then I could just fix it_ **_myself_ ** _and be done with it._

Was that an irrational thought? Was it selfish? Ben would resent it. He would cry. 

But maybe it didn’t matter. Ben was crying anyway and there was nothing Five could do about it. 

Well, except for one thing. That night, at 10 p.m. on the dot, Five teleported into Ben’s bedroom. 

Without a word, they got into bed together. Time passed, but Five couldn’t sleep.

Seven long weeks had gone by since the fourth Apocalypse. The more time went by, the easier it was to relax, but he was distinctly aware of the fact that there was absolutely no pattern to the event. The shortest interval between Apocalyptic Glitches was three weeks and the longest was a year and two months. 

It couldn’t get anymore random than that, now could it? 

“Do you think we should try Luther’s plan?” Five whispered. 

“Hmm?” Ben didn’t bother opening his eyes. 

“You know,” Five said. “Should we go back to our native time?” 

Ben squeezed Five tightly. “No.” 

“Your native time then,” Five said. “We can go to 2006 together. Exactly where you left off.” 

Drowsiness gone, Ben sat up. “What? No.” 

Five sat up too. “Luther thinks-”

“You said he was stupid,” Ben said. “You said-”

“It’s better than nothing,” Five insisted. “We shouldn’t risk you getting sucked in again.” 

“Oh my god,” Ben said. “Don’t you care about yourself at all?” 

Five rolled his eyes. 

“Ugh,” Ben said. “I’m turning off the night light.” 

“Huh?”

“I hate seeing you do that,” Ben said. “When you roll your eyes at me… it makes me feel like…” 

Five sighed. “Noted. I’ll never roll my eyes at you again.” 

“No,” Ben said. “Banning stuff is stupid.” 

“But Vanya-”

“Vanya is right about a lot of things,” Ben said. “But she’s not right about everything. Dr. Kashif said it’s not possible for one single person to be right about absolutely everything, so we have to work together to figure out… to figure things out.” 

“Then that means _Kashif_ isn’t right about everything,” Five muttered. 

“True,” Ben said. “But you shouldn’t blindly reject everything a person says just because you don’t like them.” 

“Whatever,” Five said. “That’s not what’s important. We need to decide if we’re going or staying.” 

“Staying,” Ben said. 

“But then we might-”

“We might get caught in the Apocalypse again,” Ben said. “I know.” 

“And you’re fine with that?” Five said, incredulous. 

“Yes,” Ben said. “Because we kind of have a solution to that anyway? We’ll just use the briefcase to get back again.” 

“But you… but…” 

“But what?” 

“What if it’s permanent next time?” Five said. “What if we go to 2007 or whenever, then come back to 2021 only to find that the Apocalypse _didn’t_ fix itself this time?” 

“Easy,” Ben said. “We go to 2020. And see if _that year_ is still standing. If it isn’t we go to 2019. And so on.” 

“Doppelgangers,” Five said. “We can’t risk running into doppelgangers.” 

“We just need to keep enough distance,” Ben said. “Like you and Old Five. And everyone will already know the deal, so we-”

“But isn’t it too stressful for you?” Five said. “The… the waiting? The not knowing?” 

Ben squinted at him. “Is that how _you_ feel?” 

“No.” 

“You’re lying.” 

Five groaned. 

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “You’re right. It’s stressful. But I think living with Dad again would be more stressful.” 

Five sighed. 

“Don’t you think so?” Ben said. “I really like the way things are now. I don’t want to leave.” 

Abruptly, Five scooted back under the blanket and covered his face with a pillow. 

“You okay?” Ben said. 

Five grunted. 

“Are you going to cry?” Ben said. “It’s okay if you are. You don’t have to hide.” 

Five decided to lie perfectly still and didn’t respond. 

“I’m going to turn the night light off,” Ben said. “We… let’s go back to sleep, okay?” 

Again, Five didn’t respond. 

But Ben got up to turn the light off and Five shoved the pillow away. Then, when Ben was back, they clung to each other without another word. 

Eventually, Five fell asleep. 


End file.
